Per usual... I've got nothing...

ME: I need some material, tell me a funny story.

JOE: I don't know...
Shit just has to come to me, I can't just conjure things up.
That's just how I operate.

Turkey Talk

JOE: "I wonder why turkey is so much cheaper than chicken?

I mean really, people only make turkey once a year, Thanksgiving.
Ok, maybe twice with Christmas.
Oh and Easter.

I mean, people only make turkey maybe three times a year.

You would think they would charge more for turkey because they don't sell it as often.
Don't you agree? I mean, fuck....

Do you ever hear anyone say, come on over for dinner. We're having turkey.

No, no you don't."


And you all wonder why I'm crazy...

Ramble-Amble-Ding-Dong

I haven't been writing much lately because I haven't been feeling the best. Physically had a sinus infection which always trickles down to mental and emotional 'sick'. I know, poor boo-hoo baby. I hate being sick so bad!

But, finally there is light at the end of this mucus tunnel!

On another note, I just wanted to throw out a few things that have taken up space in my head.

1. Like on Sunday, I went to a 'purse party' with a friend which is hot purses sold at ridiculous prices. All kinds and I bought a Coach. Hot purses, hot boots, hot jewelry. So crazy! The women there were all just pawing and pulling out purses from plastic bins. So, afterward my friend and I went to have a late lunch and drinks. She looses her filter when she drinks and it's so funny! She orders this Jameson and peach drink in a PINT glass. Half way through it a group of over 70 year olds (guessing) came in and passed our table. She says loud as life, "I see old people! Are they real?" (Insert Snort-Laughter from me Here. Have you noticed I snort a lot?).

2. We are getting a new vinyl fence put in and it is BEAUTIFUL! I am so happy I could cry! So, I tell my boss about it and she doesn't ask about the fence... Oh no, she wants to know if any of the workers are hot! I am embarrased to say I didn't notice. Is this what 40 does to me? How sad!

3. As you can tell, I've got nothing... just ramble... but, today's word is KNICKERS! Just saying...

Enough for now I guess. Stay tuned for more ramble to come...

Best. TV. Night. Ever!

So last night while watching AFV Joe went on a frenzy because the three videos were not funny enough to him to win the $10,000 prize. Mind you, this is a 'feel good' show and my husband is yelling at the television! Seriously! (So freaking funny!)

The first video was a man being all-manly filming a workout video with one of those resistance bands with handles. He lost his grip on one of the handles and it snapped back and hit him in the groin. (Like every other video where someone gets it in the groin or in the head. I laugh harder when they get hit in the head. Why is that?)

JOE : Ok, that's funny.

The second was a mother telling her little boy to kiss a cow. The cow had his head in a water bucket. The cow then licked the kid right across the face. The kids mouth was open and everything. So gross!

JOE : Why would anyone tell their kid to do that? What are they, stupid? That is just stupid!

The third was a very elderly woman over excited (laughing and clapping) about hearing news of a great-grandchild-to-be.

JOE : What the hell? That isn't funny! What is so funny about that?

ME : Turn it down a little. There is no reason to get that upset.

JOE : That is why I hate this show! Because of stupid shit like that!

ME : Calm down...

JOE : NO! This is ridiculous!

ME: (Really trying not to laugh but not succeeding and getting a look-of-death from Joe)

The elderly woman won... uggghhh

JOE : This is America's Funniest Videos! Not I feel sorry for the fucking old lady!

ME : She is so cute and I'm sure she needs the money.

JOE : THAT IS JUST BULLSHIT!

ME: (Laughing so hard I had to run out of the room to go to the bathroom! I think I peed my pants a little!)

.....

I hate to admit it, but he is right. It wasn't funny at all... the old lady video that is... Thank the goddess the show is over -- I would hate for his blood pressure to go any higher!

Best. TV. Night. Ever!

Check Your Head!

I looked at a Jack LaLane Juicer recently and I also heard from a friend of a friend (true story!) on FaceBook that it is hard to clean. This is how the conversation went:

ME: I heard that the Jack Lalane was hard to kill.

JOE: What???

ME: I mean clean -- clean the Jack LaLane (laughing).

JOE: Yeah, he was hard to kill too. What was he, 94?

ME: (still laughing and now snorting)

JOE: Oh jeez...

Moral of this story, check your head before you talk. CHECK YOUR HEAD!

Pete Anthony Alesky Jr.

Today is and will always be a day for the books.
We are burying a pillar member of our family today.

WARNING: If you cannot handle the truth about depression, STOP READING NOW!

If you live with depression everyday of your life you as well as I think of death every single day of our lives, although it is never of one that we love but ourselves.

Please bring all of the love and light you can to us today. Uncle Pete is gone and we will never be the same. I hope I can keep it together, I hope we all can. I will remember him as the man that was always there.

I've had 2 major surgeries, and a time with severe emotional trama. Who was there? Uncle Pete and Aunt Eileen. Every time I needed him, he was there.

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UPDATE:

We made it through the tough weekend together. Although Aunt Eileen has her children with her, I don't know how she really is. Please, pray for her to find strength and healing.

This was so sad in so many ways, but through the tears there was laughter with memories of Uncle Pete. As in life, his favorite saying is still with him, it is printed on his memory card. Enjoy this in memory of one fine cowboy!

"Life is hard; it's harder when you're stupid" ~ John Wayne

Counterfeit Ketchup in NJ

JOE: Did you hear they were selling fake ketchup in New Jersey?

ME: What?

JOE: Fake ketchup.

Me: What is fake ketchup?

JOE: I mean counterfeit ketchup.

ME: ???

JOE: Someone was putting cheap ketchup in Heinz bottles and selling it. Who thought of that? I mean why not mustard?

ME: OMG!!!