Reality Bites

I just watched the movie "Reality Bites" from 1994 and remember the first time I watched it and how it made perfect sense to me. And now realizing that it still does and that SCARES me!

How I was the same age as Winona Ryder's character Lelaina Pierce was and feeling like she did,

"Lelaina Pierce: I was really going to be somebody by the time I was 23.
Troy Dyer: Honey, all you have to be by the time you're 23 is yourself.
Lelaina Pierce: I don't know who that is anymore.
Troy Dyer: I do. And we all love her. I love her. She breaks my heart again and again, but I love her."

Here I am now 40 years old and I am still there in my mind sometimes... only now I am on anti-depressants and other medications for my anxiety and everything else.

I wonder how many of 'us' are still there sometimes and maybe this has something to do with why we are who we are. Maybe that gives it some definition.

Now we have cars and houses, worry about bills and dependents. How are we supposed to be ok? Really ok? Nothing made sense then, does it really make sense now? I'm not sure.

I sit here thinking about this now waiting for my new refrigerator to be delivered because I really wanted an ice maker. AN ICE MAKER! I cannot believe how much changes and how much stays the same... and how ridiculous an ice maker is.

I know I am over-thinking it, I know that I deserve things that I have worked hard for and I know that I have grown from that girl that first watched "Reality Bites". But she is still there...

"Lelaina Pierce: I just don't understand why things just can't go back to normal at the end of the half hour like on the Brady Bunch or something.
Troy Dyer: Well, 'cause Mr. Brady died of AIDS. Things don't turn out like that."