Thursday, January 23, 2014


So I am sitting here after dinner with my husband watching the news and enjoying some light conversation when out of NO WHERE my husband says,

"I hate it when people try to talk and act all intelligent and then they can't even spell potatoes right!"

Then I say, "What? Where did that come from?"

"I was watching this video on YouTube and this chick is talking about organization like she knows everything about everything and she can't even spell potatoes right. She spelled it without the 'e'. That really bothers me! Anything she said after that meant absolutely nothing. I didn't even listen. P O T A T O S! No E! WHAT THE F*$K!" my husband then said.

Of course I looked at him with pity yet was completely entertained. Does that make me a bad wife?

Moral of the story: Learn to spell or shut the hell up. I think...

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Trust me... I am NOT racist!

So, for those of you who do not know this, I was married once before Joe.

On our honeymoon to Cancun we went shopping in downtown Cancun where all the small shops are where you can barter (it is actually preferred!) and I was looking for GECKO earrings.

Ok, so if you know me, you know that I can be extra stupid sometimes. Hense my story...

We are shopping and I am looking at earrings. This male shop-keeper comes up to me and asks me 'what-cho wand?' ('what do you want' is the meaning I think)and I very loudly and animated say 'I want GRINGO earrings!'

This fine mexican gentleman says 'YYYEEESSS' with a huge smile but doesn't move or try to help me.

I then say, 'GRINGO EARRINGS!'... 'YYYEEESSS' he says. Now I am starting to get frustrated that he is laughing at me and not helping me at all.

This happens at least 10,000 times more before my newlywed husband tells me what I am doing... UGGGGGGG!!!!!

I didn't buy any earrings that day.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Reality Bites

I just watched the movie "Reality Bites" from 1994 and remember the first time I watched it and how it made perfect sense to me. And now realizing that it still does and that SCARES me!

How I was the same age as Winona Ryder's character Lelaina Pierce was and feeling like she did,

"Lelaina Pierce: I was really going to be somebody by the time I was 23.
Troy Dyer: Honey, all you have to be by the time you're 23 is yourself.
Lelaina Pierce: I don't know who that is anymore.
Troy Dyer: I do. And we all love her. I love her. She breaks my heart again and again, but I love her."

Here I am now 40 years old and I am still there in my mind sometimes... only now I am on anti-depressants and other medications for my anxiety and everything else.

I wonder how many of 'us' are still there sometimes and maybe this has something to do with why we are who we are. Maybe that gives it some definition.

Now we have cars and houses, worry about bills and dependents. How are we supposed to be ok? Really ok? Nothing made sense then, does it really make sense now? I'm not sure.

I sit here thinking about this now waiting for my new refrigerator to be delivered because I really wanted an ice maker. AN ICE MAKER! I cannot believe how much changes and how much stays the same... and how ridiculous an ice maker is.

I know I am over-thinking it, I know that I deserve things that I have worked hard for and I know that I have grown from that girl that first watched "Reality Bites". But she is still there...

"Lelaina Pierce: I just don't understand why things just can't go back to normal at the end of the half hour like on the Brady Bunch or something.
Troy Dyer: Well, 'cause Mr. Brady died of AIDS. Things don't turn out like that."

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Please don't tell Joe

Last nights enlightening conversation - although one sided:

I cannot believe Fringe isn't on tonight!

Charlie Brown is on!

You know, I never did like Charlie Brown!
Who even likes Charlie Brown?

They shouldn't call him Charlie Brown, they should call him Sad Sack!

(Under his breath) Fucking Charlie Browns on...

Personally I love the Peanuts specials...
Please don't tell Joe

Friday, November 23, 2012

Watch Out For His High Beams!

Well, I'm here to tell you that the annual tradition has continued again this year.

What is that you ask?

Here is the background: Joe has a large Toyota Tundra that rides pretty high. If you are in front of him, the lights shine high in your rear-view mirror. Especially if you are in a low-riding car.

Now (Lucky me!) every year someone coming home from my mother's Thanksgiving extravaganza on the highway driving in front of him gets mad, slows down, lets Joe pass, he gets in front of them and they put on their high beams.

CRAP... here we go again...

Joe then gets furious, slows down, lets them pass, gets behind them and puts on his high beams.

This then lights up the entire interior of their car and Joe in an elated tone says, "How do you like that asshole?! Now you are lit up just like it was daylight! How is that for you?".

He then explains to me how he is an equal opportunity hater. He hates everyone.

Thank you Mr. car driver...
Thank you for making sure our holiday is once again complete.


Thursday, November 22, 2012

Thankful this Thanksgiving!

Humbled again!
What a wonderful feeling I have today!

I had an amazing and wonderful day today with my family!

I am not used to wonderful days with the whole family and if any of 'you' read this I am sorry to admit it out loud.

I am usually left feeling inadequate or judged or sad or angry. This year I am feeling incredible love. My heart is so much more full than my stomach!

It started yesterday. We had our annual Thanksgiving luncheon at work. It was delicious and our GM Frank did a great job with the food!

After work I stopped in to see a great long time friend I haven't seen in years and I am so in love with her and our friendship!

Then I went to my Mom's to help prep for today's meal.

WHAT A MEAL THAT WAS! My mother is a genius and a saint in the kitchen for Thanksgiving Day! She does this craziness all for us... every year... I love you so much Mom!

We then played our annual 'Dirty Bingo' and it is not X-Rated so don't even go there! Each player brings a wrapped gift, usually a gag gift or something small from the dollar store, and picks 3 numbers. The bingo caller (ME!) calls one number at a time and that person picks a gift from the pile. Once all the gifts are gone from the pile, when your number is called you then steal gifts from each other until all of the numbers are called. If you are lucky enough to have a gift(s) at the end they are yours. Believe it or not, adults and kids have a ball with this game!

Then, Mom makes sure there is some kind of craft for the kids and this year they colored wooden ornaments with markers to hang on their trees.

But besides all of the planned activities, the best of all was having Aunt Eileen and Chad with us. They drove all of the way out to be with us and they are the ones with the most responsibility at home with the horse farm and most of all have had the most loss this year with the death of Uncle Pete. The sadness and fatigue in their eyes was almost too much to bear, but as the day went on, they seemed to have a good day too and there was even a little sparkle in Aunt Eileen's eyes.

The sparkle in her eyes is one of the most beautiful things you will ever see.


Monday, November 19, 2012

Everybody knows the sound of Jennifer falling down...

Although this story is about 15 years old, it is still one of my favorite OMG stories... about myself.

I fall down, a lot, but not as much as I used to. Honestly, I have ear issues but I think this is this life knocking me down to learn some lesson from another lifetime.

So, at that time I was working for this small family company. The factory and warehouse was downstairs and the offices were upstairs in what looked like and was set up like a large house. A very large house...

The stairs to the offices were carpeted with this thick padded blue carpet and at the bottom of the stairs was this huge solid oak door. Right at the bottom, no landing.

I was wearing a summer dress with strappy sandals. Slippery bottomed strappy sandals...

Oh yes, you know what's coming...

I was going down the stairs and about half way down I slipped. Head over foot ROLLING down the stairs, not just a little bump-bump down on my ass. I hit the door right on my forehead. UPSIDE DOWN!

All of my co-workers heard the loud thud of my head, looked over the banister only to find my dress over my head and my ass in the air! Most.Embarrasing.Work.Moment.Ever!

They were all laughing and not one asked if I was alright until they saw the blood. I miss those people!

Thank gawd I am so old that this was pre-thong era or I would have walked out of there and never came back!

I lost a good amount of skin on my knee, shoulder and forehead. I got a HUGE lump on my forehead that held a bruise forever.

I also got a big cup of humility.

I think that is why I am on the planet this time. To learn humility in some shape or form almost every day of my life. Can you imagine what I did to deserve this?! Seriously!

Everybody knows the sound of Jennifer falling down...