Saturday, October 27, 2012

Pete Anthony Alesky Jr.

Today is and will always be a day for the books.
We are burying a pillar member of our family today.

WARNING: If you cannot handle the truth about depression, STOP READING NOW!

If you live with depression everyday of your life you as well as I think of death every single day of our lives, although it is never of one that we love but ourselves.

Please bring all of the love and light you can to us today. Uncle Pete is gone and we will never be the same. I hope I can keep it together, I hope we all can. I will remember him as the man that was always there.

I've had 2 major surgeries, and a time with severe emotional trama. Who was there? Uncle Pete and Aunt Eileen. Every time I needed him, he was there.



We made it through the tough weekend together. Although Aunt Eileen has her children with her, I don't know how she really is. Please, pray for her to find strength and healing.

This was so sad in so many ways, but through the tears there was laughter with memories of Uncle Pete. As in life, his favorite saying is still with him, it is printed on his memory card. Enjoy this in memory of one fine cowboy!

"Life is hard; it's harder when you're stupid" ~ John Wayne

Monday, October 22, 2012

Counterfeit Ketchup in NJ

JOE: Did you hear they were selling fake ketchup in New Jersey?

ME: What?

JOE: Fake ketchup.

Me: What is fake ketchup?

JOE: I mean counterfeit ketchup.

ME: ???

JOE: Someone was putting cheap ketchup in Heinz bottles and selling it. Who thought of that? I mean why not mustard?

ME: OMG!!!

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Did I ever tell you about the time I was arrested?

I was just sitting here thinking about the one and only time I was arrested.

It was 1992 and I was dating this guy and we will call him J1. His friend J2 comes to visit us and tells us he has tickets to the U2 ZooTV show in Miami on March 1st (the very next day). We are all too young to have any real money so we decided to drive from PA to FL to see this show.

Let me just say, at the time, I have never met anyone who was a bigger fan than the three of us, especially J1. I mean, he looked like Bono. With red hair... but still!! Amazing how he had the movements and the voice and everything down. Maybe that is why I fell in love with him. Trust me, I am still trying to figure that one out.

No one else knew we were going or that we left... No one...

We pile into J1's Nissan pick-up and there is only enough room for 2 in the front so I was in the bed of the truck with the cap on. For HOURS!

We finally arrive at the Miami arena the day of the show early in the day and decide to walk around and 'scope out' the area. After we were there for about an hour J2 decides to tell us that he really doesn't have tickets but he is sure we can scalp some. WHAT THE HELL ??? We just drove like 15 hours (me in the back bed for god's sake!) and this asshole doesn't have tickets? I still cannot swear enough at this!!!

Sure enough, this arrogant ass gets us tickets only after I have just about shit myself and was still in total shock.

While I am still in dire recovery, we are scoping out the arena then and decide to try to figure out where U2 would be entering and / or exiting the arena. You know, just in case we want to meet them...

So, we walk around, figure it all out in our heads where they will be and then finally we go in for the show. Which was AMAZING! I mean it! AMAZING! Did I mention that I am still waiting for Bono to come get me? It isn't a matter of 'IF', it is just a matter of 'WHEN'... Just saying...

Anyway, we walk out of arena after the show and go to the "secret location" where we are sure to have the most amazing moment of our lives! And wouldn't you know it... the arrogant ass (J2) was right again! I hated how he almost always was. He still makes me wrinkle my nose when I think about him... I hate that bastard... (Stay on track here! Sooooooo)

Where we were at the time was at the top looking down to a service / truck bay area. The only way to get there from where we were was to go down these long ramps with railings that reminds you of either the handicapped path from hell or the lines at an amusement part that you wait in line for 1-3 hours for a 4 minute ride on a lame roller coaster. They zig-zagged back and forth all the way down.

When we start seeing real movement down below with bodyguards and cameras flashing we KNEW our time had come!!!! Oh my freaking god! This is really going to happen!

So we all start hurdling over all of these railings (there had to be at least 100,000,000 of them, I swear!) and of course there is security coming behind us out of freaking NOWHERE! They morphed out of thin air like a video game or something! CRAZY SHIT! No kidding! This is one of many reasons I believe in the paranormal... really...

Of course, the girl is always caught first... Security got me by the waist and pummeled me like a linebacker would. Knocked the air out of me and I saw stars! Or maybe that was just Bono... I can't say for sure... Did I mention I have been in love with this man for 25 years??!!!

Next was J1. He had short legs and too long of a torso so he was never on the track team, that is for sure. They got him by the ankle as he was leaping and I still to this day cannot believe he didn't hit his head and go into a permanent coma.

J2 was sprinting and leaping and it was in slow-motion and he was going to make it! Really, he was right there! This guy is 6 foot something and was strong. He was always in trouble so running was second nature to him. That guy could run fast!

J2 gets all the way to the bottom and the security gets him by the leg... and he goes down... RIGHT IN FRONT OF BONO!!!!

Bono extends his beautiful hand and helps J2 stand up... Bono says something to J2... and then J2 is wrestled to the ground by the security guy. Half his size I must add! Hilarious to watch!

We all get round up and the Dade County Police come to arrest us. While we are all standing there against one of the cop cars waiting to be taken away to the county jail, I say to J2... 'What did Bono say to you?'... Tick, Tock (pun intented)... J2 says, 'I can't remember'... He can't remember? I kicked his ass (literally) and got yelled at by the cop standing with us. He really can't remember??? What in all things holy is wrong with this guy? I still haven't figured it out.

We get shipped off to the county jail. We spend the night there. J1 and J2 get to stick together and I am separated from them... because I am a girl. When with this stupid agony ever end... Anyway... Early the next morning we are released because Bono decided not to press charges, the county decided not to press charges, the arena decided not to press charges... I think they even had to ask Mother Theresa if she wanted to press charges and she too declined.

We were released and drove home. J1 and J2 in front with me (AGAIN) alone in the back...

... Left to relive this story over and over and over as the most amazing night of our lives ...

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Things you don't usually hear...

This past weekend my cousin and I went on a long-weekend vacation. We went to Newberg, NY on the Hudson River and did some great sightseeing and had some great fun at the first public soft-opening night of the OCC Cafe. Farrah and Scott are awesome! We will not forget you two anytime soon!

Besides all the fun we had there were some crazy funny things that were said and I have to just tell you I'm sure you had to be there but...

JUSTINE: I am listening to you, I really am but THERE IS MOTHER FUCKING STINK BUG ON MY PURSE!

ME: What? Stink bug? On your purse?

JUSTINE: LOOK! Get it off.

ME: (Rolled down the window in the car - yes, Justine was driving - and I flicked it off).

ME:  So anyway... (continued my story).

Half-hour later or so... I started laughing.

JUSTINE: What's so funny?

ME: "THERE IS A MOTHER FUCKING STINK BUG ON MY PURSE!" (followed by a deep-belly laugh and snorting).

JUSTINE: Well it took you long enough...

Let's just end this with she gets me.... She really gets me!

P.S. For another deep-belly laugh and snorting, listen to this (I love being a 40+ year old child!):
WARNING: Very childish and in no way mature... You have been warned!

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

UPDATE: I'm not ashamed... of myself anyway...

UPDATE: Today is November 24th... I have not been contacted by "this person" yet.

I have heard from other family members (did I mention this was family? So much for blood is thicker than water...) that this person knows about this post.

I want you to know that I am saddened by this but I know that I am not wrong here.

I also have to say that I am not willing to let this go right now, if ever. Not until I receive an apology of any kind...


Recently I have gotten some feedback on my last post. It has been questioned why I have written about my depression, anxiety and bi-polar disorder. Why would I want to make this public?

Because it is part of me and I am not ashamed.

So here are some other things I am not ashamed of:

  1. I have blonde hair.
  2. I have blue eyes
  3. I am 5'8" tall
  4. I am 185 pounds (oh, is this one too much?)
  5. I am 40 years old.
  6. I am married.
  7. I have 2 dogs.
This list can continue and I am not ashamed of any of these things. In the same exact way am not I ashamed of my disorders. Should I be ashamed of any of these numbered things in your opinion? Of course not, so why should I hide anything else? Please, I am demanding your answer here.

The problem is not my disorders. The problem is ignorance. This is not taboo, it is real folks. Many people would be better in social situations and in life-in-general if 'we' were not judged. 'We' don't deserve it. The more knowledge shared and understood would help us all coexist happily. We all have flaws and this is only one of my crosses-to-bear. I am one of millions! I will gladly give you all the information you need to understand anyway you are most comfortable. This would bring me nothing but respect for you to come forward with any issues you may have with me to me and not in criticism. Here is your open invitation to make this right.

I have said it before, I will say it again. I am awesome! And I am not ashamed!

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Full blown attack

Yesterday I had one of my famous full blown panic attacks. So, I guess that now it is time to tell you more about myself.

I suffer from depression, anxiety and am bi-polar. I live with this everyday and have since my early 20's. My evil twin as I call it rules my world no matter how hard I fight her. She takes over every waking moment of my life. The only way I control her is with my medications and that only numbs her a little. I will be speaking of her many times I know but I also know that she is part of me and I am still awesome!

So yesterday my best friend, who happens to be an amazing photographer and artist, and I did a photo shoot for women living with depression in a red dress. This is a gift for Ms. Jenny Lawson, Jenny has saved my life more times that I can count. Yes Ms. Lawson, you are a hero! If the rest of you do not read this blog, YOU MUST START NOW!

I got all dolled up. Hair, makeup, jewelry and the damned red dress. I borrowed this magnificent dress from a friend who graciously let me borrow it even though she never wore it. Brand new with tags and all. It didn't fit... Really?! After all my planning, it didn't fit. This put me in a full blown panic attack. I got cold and sweaty, got that white tunnel in my eyesight (If you know this, you know this!) and went to my knees. It was a short one because I had another only days before so I remembered to just breathe this time. After a panic attack, I usually am so tired all I want to do is sleep forever. That is the only place to have the calm that I crave. But, this time, I pushed through it because the last thing I want to do is disappoint my busy mother-of-three and oh-so-amazing friend, the photographer.

So, I turned in to a frantic, crying, inconsolable mess. Oh yes, so much better (insert my normal sarcasm here). My husband has sausage fingers so he couldn't even hook the clasp to hold the top of the dress up without zipping it up and as I explained, that was not going to happen. We couldn't find a pin ANYWHERE! Are you fucking kidding me?! I'm sure I will find at least a dozen today without even trying... But anyway, finally we just tucked the top in the back into my spanx. I love spanx...

Off I went and I DROVE in this state. I cannot believe Joe let me leave. I will have to talk to him about that later. More dangerous than a drunk. I picked up my friend and her son and off we went to the cemetery. Did I mention that I chose to do these "celebrate depression" pictures in a cemetery? Oh yes, you are now learning more about my humor....

My friends son is only 8. He has magic in him, this one! I went from manic, to sad, to smiling in just seconds with this little man around. I will write about him again later because this child gets me. He doesn't understand why I am who I am, but he knows when my twin is around and squashes her like the ugly bug she is. Amazing KID!

Long story short, the pictures are amazing. And Ms. Jenny Lawson, this is a gift for you, love.